It is apparent I took a bit of a hiatus from the blog. I had to because of the season of my life. Not because I am busy, although that is most certainly true, but because I am in a period of waiting. Waiting for our boy to come home. And in my eyes it has been too long. Goodness, 3 days is too long let alone three months.
What I learned though our last adoption, during this time of wait, is that it turns me into a bit of a grump. During that time of waiting for Tariku I became very critical of others and I wasn't afraid to say it. Looking back it was probably really hard to be my friend then, and I am thankful for those of you who tried to cheer me up. Anyhow, this time around I knew I needed to step away from the computer during this period of "unknowns" and try my hardest to have a good attitude.
The past few weeks have been rough on me. Mentally I am battling every day, battling myself to stay positive and not spiral down into the black hole of worry. Most days I am doing alright but sometimes satan gets the best of me. It is hard when "unknown" is the only constant. It is hard when others ask, "what is next?" or "when do you go?" and "who is traveling?" because most of the time "I don't know" is the only thing I do know.
The other day I completely broke, I had let it build so long and I knew it was coming. I cried for the first time during this period of waiting and I let it all out. During that time of crying out to God I just asked that he surrounded me, and then He did. Although I don't know when "F" is coming home I know this, he will. God showed me that I need to not lean on our agency or those at embassy but on Him, and Him alone. He brought us here and in Him I will have comfort as I wait.
If you are in a season of waiting, bring your requests before God. Your hope can be trusted in Him. Dear friends, I ask that you continue to pray for our case. More then that though I ask that you pray for our hearts as we wait, pray that we continue to put our hope in God and trust that He has this covered. Thank you.
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge."